Choices, Onion Tears — Cleansing and Cathartic

After my previous article on us recognizing our multiple intelligences — https://medium.com/@phyllis.farias/intelligent-you-are-2fce28aabde9 — this week I reflect on something different.

Tears –

• Not crocodile tears
• Not tears of joy and happiness
• Not tears of anger
• Not tears of relief
• Not tears of sorrow and sadness

But Onion tears!!

That is because onions have a high rate of usage in our house. Onions in everything, in all its cooked forms.

So it is onions in all the curries, in pakodas, in chutneys or as a garnish. Versatile indeed!

Onions can be cut in a number of ways — diced, chopped, sliced — long or round. All you need is a good sharp kitchen knife to do the needful. And of course, let’s not forget the tears.

One fine day I decided to do something different. So I peeled the onion layer by layer, until I came to the core. Now, it is not so easy peeling off those layers. They are tightly packed. In the process of peeling off, some got bruised and some even broke.

And then, I vaguely remembered reading something about peeling onions one layer at a time in a magazine titled ‘together’. So I searched for the old copies I had kept, I found what I was looking for in the May 2003 issue. A quote on the cover by Carol Sandberg. ‘Life is like an onion: you peel off one layer at a time — and sometimes you weep.’

A metaphor for life perhaps, mine for sure, maybe yours too — and hidden deep within, under all the layers is me.

What are these layers? Conditioning, stereotypes, dreams, pressures, joys, sorrows, hurts, expectations, judgements, achievements, and possibly many more.

I have a choice — do I want to stay buried within these layers or do I peel off the layers that are a burden and step out of the onion and walk free.

Well, the choice is mine. It is my responsibility, my attitudes that will make the difference. No whining, no blaming.

Come to think about it there is something here for all of us to think about, whether parents, teachers, any other profession, as an employer or employee, within the home in our relationships with each other, with those who work with us at home or at work, children with children — yes children with children.

What kind of layers are we placing on each other?

• Expectations — almost always unrealistic expectations
• Comparisons — that can short circuit pretty much anything
• Constraints — real and imagined, that are physical, mental, emotional
• Violence — mental, physical, emotional and of course sexual.
• Communication — what words do I use, what is my tone of voice, what does my body language say?

All of these will probably make one cry out along with a “I can’t breathe!” If it is so, then I guess I am no longer talking about ‘onion tears’.

On the other hand, this core of the onion can be the place where I am surrounded by love and security.

• I feel comfortable to communicate openly.
• I am happy and can also express other feelings
• I have the freedom — To be, To make mistakes, To fall and get up, To walk tall, To spread my wings and soar
• Knowing full well — that I have strong roots in a loving home.

And the tears of joy and happiness will flow! It ultimately can come down to a choice! Let’s make the right one.

Tears — well tears of whatever kind and for any gender are generally cleansing and cathartic. Don’t hold them back. At the same time don’t burst into them at the least provocation!