Lost and Found!!
As of now, my favouritest, favouritest book is, ‘The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse’ by Charlie Mackesy. This is a must own book — every page is a gem, not just the words, but the illustrations too. You can read it in half an hour or take as long as you want, mulling, pondering, introspecting and talking about the page that caught your attention or touched your soul. And as the author says, ‘this book is for everyone, whether you are eighty or eight.’
I thought I would dwell on one of the pages. Quite frankly, I found it very difficult to choose a single one — each one being more profound than the other. I am settling for this one — a short conversation between the boy and the mole.
“Sometimes I feel lost,” said the boy. “Me too,” said the mole, “but we love you, and love brings you home,” said the mole.
I muttered under my breath, “me too.” I have sometimes felt lost and still feel lost at times.
How do we get to feeling lost?
I think it is because we try to live up to the expectations of everyone around us. In doing so the real me and my heart’s desires hide. However, there comes a time when the ‘real me’ wants to pop out and does not know how, as the ‘expected me’ is so embedded — That’s when I begin to feel lost.
There is an activity I sometimes conduct as an introduction for a ‘growing up’ session with teenage students. I ask them to complete a four letter word, the first two letters being LO
Obviously the first word is always Love, and then there come words in quick succession like — Long, Lord, Lost, Lone, Load, Look, Loss, Loaf, Loop. A perfect introduction as all the words tie in so beautifully with the ‘growing up’ session. The word I want is LOOK — to look at things from the right perspective.
Let’s LOOK at the word LOST
All of us, no matter what our age can feel lost when we carry ‘loads’ of baggage, or feel a sense of loss when relationships break or we lose a loved one, we long for someone or something and feel isolated or rejected and so alone or else one can be caught in an unhealthy loop and don’t know how to unravel it and come out clean.
There are two words that provide a solution but more on that later.
Whether children, teenagers or adults and more so now with ‘Seniors,’ there is a feeling of being lost — Each one’s reasons a little different from the other depending upon their stage of life.
Children feel lost when they are deprived of the attention and guidance they need. This can show up in different forms of behaviour.
Teenagers are lost in trying to identify their identity — Who am I? The physical and hormonal changes, the dilemma of making choices and decisions — my own vs. peer decisions, the pressures and demands of a syllabus they may not fully understand along with demands for higher and higher marks, all with the hope that they will fall on their feet in a high paying job. This is the ‘societal’ expectation that gradually becomes ‘my’ expectation.
Adults also do feel lost as those teenagers grow into adults and then join the rat race. They lack the time to look within to find out why they could be so unhappy.
“Isn’t it odd? We can only see our outsides, but nearly everything happens on the inside” said the boy.
And seniors, sad to say have empty nests — most often encouraged by parents themselves; because they have encouraged the children to leave for greener pastures. Little wonder then, that ‘Senior citizen facilities’ are popping up providing all the comforts possible. Outer comforts — however, one can still feel lost, waiting for a call, a message, a visit. A senior friend recently told me, ‘we anxiously wait for months for them to come, and then they stay for a week and are gone.’
A few more thoughts on feeling Lost.
I could be lost in thought — obviously a good thing. However, in the last couple of years especially after the ‘Lockdown’, I have noticed many students putting down ‘Over thinking’ as a weakness when they come for career guidance. This is how they explain it — going over and over the same thought, analysing the simplest of situations or events until all sense of proportion is lost. The overthinking brain cannot translate thoughts into actions and therefore this leads to stress and anxiety. We need to keep in mind that there is a difference between overthinking and worrying. Overthinking is passive — stuck in the mud thinking —this leads to feeling lost.
Let’s accept the fact, that our world is driven by achievement. One has to be ‘in control’; there is no place for trial and error or for making mistakes.
The mantra is ‘choose right’.
Do not waste time on unimportant work; even if it gives you joy.
Grab opportunities.
We have to be the perfect fit in order to achieve. Little wonder then, that we feel overwhelmed and lost.
Two questions:
- Is it wrong to be overwhelmed and feel lost?
- Are there any solutions?
To answer the first question, here is another question — Why do we always think that it is bad to feel lost?
It may actually be good to hit rock bottom. It could be a wakeup call that change is necessary. And if change is necessary then searching for one’s true self should begin. Finding one’s true self helps to discard the mask and then one can live life to one’s truest, fullest self.
Question 2 can be answered by a couple of other quotes from the book that will help to find one’s true self:
‘Being kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindnesses,” said the mole.
How often we forget to be kind to ourselves. We are so busy being kind to others. We learn to be kind to others when we are kind to ourselves.
What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” asked the boy.
“Help,” said the horse.
“Asking for help isn’t giving up” said the horse. “It’s refusing to give up.”
Ask for help from the Lord and anyone else that one can reach out to.
And the last word comes from the initial quote when mole says ‘but we love you, and love brings you home.’
For after all, “I think everyone is just trying to get home,” said the mole
