Perfection Exists in Our Imperfection

At a workshop for teachers, I asked them to discuss the following two words in groups: Perfection vs Excellence. Here is one of the answers: Perfection is a full stop. Excellence is a journey not a destination.

Today I will limit myself to Perfection and Imperfection — distinct from doing things correctly and striving for excellence. In my opinion, and I take full responsibility for saying so, Perfection is a sad, bad word.

I will explain my reasons for saying so with a few examples.

A mother of a lower Kindergarten child told a Principal that she did not want her daughter to go out to play as she is fair and beautiful. She could fall and hurt herself, which will then leave a life time scar. Also, she would become dark in the sun. In the mother’s mind having a scar or being dark skinned is an imperfection. Some plastic surgeons know the concern of parents and recommend cosmetic surgery even for small wounds or cuts especially for the girl child.

The second example is a strange case:

• A boy born with a physical challenge
• His very successful father found him imperfect and for all purposes ignored him or was harsh.
• His mother protected him from the father
• Boy craved father’s love and acceptance
• Over time, the boy — a teenager now — was rude and impolite to mother.
• Boy’s answer: I don’t want to be protected by her. I will manage my relationship with my father.

What was the root of the problem? It was the inability of the father to accept a less than perfect child.

As a third example, let’s take the case of a teacher who took great pride in what she calls her perfect and beautiful handwriting. Every year, she gets her class to write just like her. Her methodology to attain this is to shout, erase and write again, and forego extracurricular classes. At the end of the year, the children’s writing are clones of hers. At what cost? Crying, not wanting to go to school, dislike for writing … all of us should have legible writing with the right formation, but certainly not photocopies.

A newly married bride arranged her sarees in the cupboard of her new home the way she wanted. The bridegroom took them all out and arranged them according to colour as that was the perfect way to do it. How boring!

I would fail if I do not mention children with special needs, for example, the mentally challenged, hearing challenged, learning difficulties, autism and the so many other categories of challenges. How comfortable do we make them at home, and in the classroom? How comfortable do other children make these children feel?

What is the underlying message in all of these examples? The message is loud and clear, PERFECTION.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, “perfection” is defined as a state of being entirely without fault or defect — being flawless. Wikipedia says it is a state of completeness, flawlessness or supreme excellence.

The issue then is whether there are any human beings who are perfect.

Neither am I and nor are you!

Then on whose standards do we expect perfection in others or even me? Do I do it to myself, to others or allow media to dictate what is perfect?

What are the areas in which perfection is expected?Body image — having the perfect measurements, the perfect skin colour or even eyes and hair and getting these by any means. Performance in exams, at work, in sports, in art, really in all areas.

What is the impact of this expectation? The consequences are many and far
reaching, basically to the self-esteem of the person. This can be viewed cyclically: Low self-esteem →Low confidence →Low performance, that in turn affects the self-esteem and self-worth of a person. The cycle needs to be broken.

Let me share the story of ‘The Missing Piece’ — A Fairy Tale for All Ages
(Author unknown).

This is a tale of a circle that was missing a piece. A large triangular wedge had been cut out of it. The circle wanted to be whole with nothing missing, so it went looking for its missing piece. But because it was incomplete and could roll only very slowly, it admired the flowers along the way. It chatted with worms. It enjoyed the sunshine. It found lots of different pieces but none did fit. So it left them all by the roadside and continued on its search.

Then one day the circle found a piece that was perfect. It was happy. Now it could be whole. It incorporated the missing piece and began to roll. Now it was a perfect circle, it could roll fast, too fast to notice the flowers, or talk to the worms. When it realized how different the world seemed when it rolled so quickly by, it stopped, left its found piece by the side of the road and rolled slowly away.

Moral of the story: In a very strange way we are more whole when missing something. Perfection exists in our imperfection. When we accept imperfection as part of us human beings, we can continue rolling through life appreciating life meaningfully, we can achieve wholeness and be prepared to meet our Creator who is Perfect.

In this blog I’ve worked on opposites, those of you who would like to please send me the opposite of the word love to be dealt with at a later time.