There is Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy in my Heart

I was feeling down in the dumps. The joy I felt on writing my last blog, ‘The Opposite of Love — An Educationist’s Perspective’ (https://phyllisfarias.medium.com/the-opposite-of-love-an-educationists-perspective-347d4b7cba65) disappeared on seeing the statistics of viewers and readers on Medium. There was a drop to about 25% from the previous blog — ‘Left Right’ (https://phyllisfarias.medium.com/right-left-left-right-to-move-or-not-to-move-6be03e7824cd).

Disappointment, worry, anxiety — analysis — what could have gone wrong? I could not lay a finger on anything. Frankly, I didn’t feel like writing the next one.

Wait a minute! Who is responsible for my disappointment, worry, anxiety and of course joy? Surely not anyone else but myself! So, I pulled up my socks (the weather of course is cold), put on a smile, sharpened my pencils and started writing.

You guessed it right. My theme is Joy and we are going to be talking about ‘Joy Robbers’ and ‘Joy Builders.’ I am borrowing those words from the book, ‘Who stole my Joy?’ by Sandra Steen. Just imagine the robbers stealthily trying to steal my joy and the builders getting the better of them. What fun!

So what is joy? It is an emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying. It also makes life worth living in the moment as it is associated with feelings of harmony and appreciation.

Is it a choice? Yes it is.

Take a moment and think…….. What does Joy mean to you?

Here are a few more thoughts: Joy is our connection to God and the divine and the source of our strength. Joy gives expression to the whole of us in a way nothing else can. Joy engages and expresses the totality of our being. An acceptance, gratitude … Joy.

I want to go back to my feelings — Why did I feel low? I had expectations from my readers. Appreciation, feedback, high number of viewers and readers (like in many of my previous writings). And when that did not happen, I felt a ‘Lack’ of something that I have got used to receiving, ever since I started writing the blogs. Isn’t it true that when one feels a lack of something, joy tends to vanish! A ‘Joy Robber’ has a field day.

Allow me to share a few ‘Joy Robbers’ from my interactions with children, parents and teachers.

I once taught at a Teachers’ Training College. At the end of the two year course, the trainees would leave with a sparkle in their eyes, a bounce in their step and the promise that they would be the best teachers. A year later, the sparkle has gone and they are already looking quite jaded.

Why? Quite often the staff room is full of party poopers with words like, ‘Don’t be a Miss Goody, Goody’, or ‘if you do things differently, we will also have to’. Most of these fresh teachers would not be able to stand up to the discouragement! Discouragement is one of the worst joy robbers, whether I discourage myself or allow others to discourage me.

Let’s talk about Broken or Dysfunctional Relationships and its effect upon all concerned. What do I say to a child who says, ‘I love both my parents. How do I take sides? Or ‘I don’t want to go to the court. There is no simple answer, but this is a big ‘Joy Robber’ in all kinds of broken relationships. Broken relationships are very often accompanied by other ‘Joy Robbers’ like anger, insecurity, jealousy, failed expectations and maybe a few more.

Another ‘Joy Robber’ is Low Self Esteem, which keeps telling you that you don’t measure up, that you are less than what you really are in all dimensions, be it Physical, Mental, Social, Emotional and Spiritual. This comes in the way of appreciating one’s self-image or self-worth. The lack of self esteem is a feeling that I am far from my ideal self. This brings down self-esteem and comes in the way of knowing that we are so wonderfully created.

This ‘Joy Robber’ has a sense of approval. I am talking about Anger. I often have parents who say, ‘my child has anger issues. He is just like my spouse.’ The spouse’s anger is accepted with no attempt to change, and so it continues.

Here are a few more ‘Joy Robbers’ to be aware of: Fear, betrayal, guilt. The list is endless.

I think it is time to move on to a few ‘Joy Builders.’

The greatest joy builder is Love. Just to reiterate a couple of thoughts from the last blog — Love is not just a feeling; love should flow into the world through our actions. Love is a choice. Love is helped by other ‘Joy Builders’ like encouragement, hope, positive attitude and many more.

Looking back to my childhood days, I think one of my ‘Joy Builders’ was the whole aspect of Space. The physical space, to run, to play, to climb trees, to be naughty without harming anyone. Believe it or not I revelled in climbing trees! Along with it was ‘mind space’ to read, to reflect, to discuss, to be oneself.

This ‘Joy Builder’ could be controversial — it is Discipline. I believe discipline provides structure and routine to a value system. Discipline is a symbol of love. I care and therefore there are limits and boundary lines. There is clarity in what is right and wrong. Decision making becomes easy. Every home should have a Traffic Light — a few Red light rules to be followed by every member of the family. Amber light rules are different for adults and children, for e.g. bed time. The Green light is the freedom to be, to make mistakes and learn to get up, also to make choices even if it be small ones. I know parents who refuse to allow their children to make choices. An extreme example of it was a mother who refused to allow her daughter to choose her own wedding sarees!

At the moment, I have this quote on my bulletin board which says, ‘What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t happened yet.’ (Anonymous)

I think this quote is talking about a Vision of our possible futures and joy makes the heart glad as we look and see the good things that are still to come.

We could add to our ‘Joy Builders’ list — appreciation, courage, humour, peace ….

Ultimately I am my greatest ‘Joy Builder.’ It is my right and responsibility to keep joy in my life. A joyful heart is always good medicine!

“The tears of joy and the tears of sorrow flow from the same eyes, but from different minds.” (Sandra Steen)